omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
