Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
