Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
