The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
