Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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