R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
