2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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