Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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