He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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