He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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