This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
