I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
