You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
