yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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