Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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