Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
