Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
