I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
