so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
