I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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