He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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