I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
