I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
