Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
