the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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