My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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