yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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