I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
