so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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