So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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