I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
