OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
