I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
