cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
