You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
And then he peed in my hair
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