dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
