It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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