It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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