i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
