So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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