went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So much rum. So many feels.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
