Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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