i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
