i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
