I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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