My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
