Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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