What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
