We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
