oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish my penis had a tongue
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
