evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
