U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
