you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
