It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
