watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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