Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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