Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There r osticjed everywhere
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
