how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
